"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche
"Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?"
I finally saw that little light. For my entire life, I thought that this little light was something called resilience but oh how was I wrong. What I didn't understand for all of those years what that the light I could see was called joy. Joy was present in this horrifying moment. How could that be? How could something like joy exist in something so covered in black.
I will never forget that moment. I will never forget that feeling deep inside of me of being full of this darkness. This thicker than molasses type of feeling where I truly felt stuck. Trapped. In a prison of my own mind. This time of my life was certainly the darkest, but now that I look back on it, it seemed to have light as well.
I realize now that there was the presence of light, I just wasn't looking for it.
It is not going to be simple for me to return to this place. There are numerous things that I have buried deep so nobody could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They've been there the entire time. I have been so scared to let them bubble up that I've actually run from my past straight into the future and have completely forgotten about the present. That's no way to live life. That is not how my life will be lived from this time on.
This place, while dark, can be illuminated. Like all dark places, bring a bright enough lantern into it and you can begin to see things as they are and not just how your scared mind has interpreted them to be. So I'm bringing that light in. I'm bring compassion in. I'm going to light up the place that has rooted itself in fears for such a long time.
It's time to dive deep.
I'm bringing my lantern.
"Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?"
I finally saw that little light. For my entire life, I thought that this little light was something called resilience but oh how was I wrong. What I didn't understand for all of those years what that the light I could see was called joy. Joy was present in this horrifying moment. How could that be? How could something like joy exist in something so covered in black.
I will never forget that moment. I will never forget that feeling deep inside of me of being full of this darkness. This thicker than molasses type of feeling where I truly felt stuck. Trapped. In a prison of my own mind. This time of my life was certainly the darkest, but now that I look back on it, it seemed to have light as well.
I realize now that there was the presence of light, I just wasn't looking for it.
It is not going to be simple for me to return to this place. There are numerous things that I have buried deep so nobody could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They've been there the entire time. I have been so scared to let them bubble up that I've actually run from my past straight into the future and have completely forgotten about the present. That's no way to live life. That is not how my life will be lived from this time on.
This place, while dark, can be illuminated. Like all dark places, bring a bright enough lantern into it and you can begin to see things as they are and not just how your scared mind has interpreted them to be. So I'm bringing that light in. I'm bring compassion in. I'm going to light up the place that has rooted itself in fears for such a long time.
It's time to dive deep.
I'm bringing my lantern.
About the Author:
Evan Sanders is a professional life coach at AYKME Life Coaching and writes daily articles on the journey of life at The Words Of Encouragement Dive into these Letting Go Quotes for more inspiration in letting go and healing the past.
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